I was searching through my attic yesterday and found this very old painting.It was of a seascape and looked remarkably beautiful.It showed a lighthouse in the distance and a ship at sea.I felt maybe it was done for an ancestor of mine or maybe an ancestor even painted it.Either way i had to learn of the mystery surrounding it asap. I left it alone and went down to my kitchen and picked up a magazine.As i was flipping through the pages i saw what appeared to be the painting but it was mildly different. I looked at the artist who did this work and wrote her name down.As i searched the net i found a website for her and contacted her on this prized art of mine to see if she had actually drew it or had commissioned it. She said she hadnt and it was another good artist with similar tastes as i had sent her a scan of it.Well she then called back a day later and announced she had a hit of the artist as they won a contest in the same magazine i mentioned with a grand prize of 5,000.This was the annual award for best new artistic talent.It was a relative of mine who had passed away a short time ago.She never had any real artistic ability as far as i remembered.So it was a strange thing indeed. She somehow managed to make such a fabulous and visually stunning work that i thought it looked professional enough to be sold at a top art gallery.I even tried to paint the scene myself and im a good amateur artist but nothing even close to this brilliance. So after putting down the canvas and paints i decided to ask my family if they knew Aunt Milly to be an artist as it was def her work.Or someone pretending to be her.I could tell by the many samples left behind which werent bad but not even as good as this work.They were not sure as i had them over for coffee.The six of us chatted for about an hour as to the art and her life.After many hugs we departed and that was that for the family reunion. Still i needed to know how she came up with this awesome painting.I then decided to look in the attic again for any valuable clues.As i opened a sock draw i came across an envelope and it had a letter inside. It read,Dearest Gertrude,i hope all is well when you read this letter.I had a hunch you would one day find this letter as the painting was in an obvious place.Keep it all the days you live and cherish it as its from my heart to yours.I painted it all myself but enlisted in art lessons to aid me in this endeavor.Im not the artist type at all but did practice for several moths before finally getting a fine line for drawing,love milly.So that solved the caper and even if it hadnt anything to do with her hand id still call it a keepsake and never sell it,some things you just cannot assess a pricetag on or swap for anything.
Answer :
I agree with the first comment: it needs a lot of work, but the idea is captivating!
Grammar, punctuation and word choice are among the things you need to work on. Once these are taken care of, you might want to tear it apart, sentence-by-sentence, making sure it all makes sense, that every word is necessary (if not, delete!) and that you have given enough clues that the intelligent reader can follow you, yet not so many that you give it away.
Keep us posted!
Answer :
I think it needs work, no offense. First of all, it seems to start from the middle of nowhere. Why was she searching through the attic? It also needs a story line, a setting a plot, and a theme. I got lost in the beginning. If she was bent on solving the mystery, why did she suddenly leave it to read a magazine? It also had many spelling mistakes. I think you need to work more on the story.
I liked the idea though, the fact that she was trying to solve a mystery surrounding a painting she found. I think you can make this story better, you just have to try.
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