Dennis Miller is not Jewish and uses comedy to share some brilliant
comments.
He recently had the following to say about the Middle East situation:
"A brief overview of the situation is always valuable, so as a service
to all Americans who still don't get it, I now offer you the story of
the Middle East in just a few paragraphs, which is all you Really need.
Here we go:
The Palestinians want their own country. There's just one thing about
that: There are no Palestinians. It's a made up word. Israel was
called Palestine for two thousand years. Like "Wiccan," "Palestinian"
sounds ancient but is really a modern invention. Before the Israelis
won the land in the 1967 war, Gaza was owned by Egypt, the West Bank was
owned by Jordan, and there were no "Palestinians."
As soon as the Jews took over and started growing oranges as big as
basketballs, what do you know, say hello to the "Palestinians," weeping
for their deep bond with their lost "land" and "nation."
So for the sake of honesty, let's not use the word "Palestinian" any
more to describe these delightful folks, who dance for joy at our
defeats until someone points out they're being taped. Instead, let's
call them what they are: "Other Arabs Who Can't Accomplish Anything In
Life And Would Rather Wrap Themselves In The Seductive Melodrama Of
Eternal Struggle And Death."
I know that's a bit unwieldy to expect to see on CNN. How about this,
then: "Adjacent Jew-Haters." Okay, so the Adjacent Jew-Haters want
their own country. Oops, just one more thing: No, they don't. They
could've had their own country any time in the last thirty years,
especially two years ago at Camp David. But if you have your own
country, you have to have traffic lights and garbage trucks and Chambers
of Commerce, and, worse, you actually have to figure out some way to
make a living.
That's no fun. No, they want what all the other Jew-Haters in the region
want: Israel. They also want a big pile of dead Jews, of course
--that's where the real fun is -- but mostly they want Israel.
Why? For one thing, trying to destroy Israel - or "The Zionist Entity"
as their textbooks call it -- for the last fifty years has allowed the
rulers of Arab countries to divert the attention of their own people
away from the fact that they're the blue-ribbon most illiterate,
poorest, and tribally backward on God's Earth, and if you've ever been
around God's Earth, you know that's really saying something.
It makes me roll my eyes every time one of our pundits waxes poetic
about the great history and culture of the Muslim Mideast. Unless I'm
missing something, the Arabs haven't given anything to the world since
Algebra, and, by the way, thanks a hell of a lot for that one.
Chew this around and spit it out: Five hundred million Arabs; five
Million Jews. Think of all the Arab countries as a football field, and
Israel as a pack of matches sitting in the middle of it. And now these
same folks swear that if Israel gives them half of that pack of matches,
everyone will be pals..
Really? Wow, what neat news. Hey, but what about the string of wars to
obliterate the tiny country and the constant din of rabid blood oaths to
drive every Jew into the sea? Oh, that? We were just kidding.
My friend, Kevin Rooney, made a gorgeous point the other day: Just
reverse the numbers. Imagine five hundred million Jews and five million
Arabs. I was stunned at the simple brilliance of it. Can anyone
picture the Jews strapping belts of razor blades and dynamite to
themselves? Of course not.
Or marshaling every fiber and force at their disposal for generations to
drive a tiny Arab State into the sea? Nonsense. Or dancing for joy at
the murder of innocents? Impossible. Or spreading and believing
horrible lies about the Arabs baking their bread with the blood of
children?
Disgusting.
No, as you know, left to themselves in a world of peace, the worst Jews
would ever do to people is debate them to death.
Mr. Bush, God bless him, is walking a tightrope. I understand that with
vital operations in Iraq and others, it's in our interest, as Americans,
to try to stabilize our Arab allies as much as possible, and, after all,
that can't be much harder than stabilizing a roomful of super models
who've just had their drugs taken away
However, in any big-picture strategy, there's always a danger of losing
moral weight. We've already lost some. After September 11th our
president told us and the world he was going to root out all terrorists
and the countries that supported them. Beautiful. Then the Israelis,
after months and months of having the equivalent of an Oklahoma City
every week (and then every day) start to do the same thing we did, and
we tell them to show restraint.
If America were being attacked with an Oklahoma City every day, we would
all very shortly be screaming for the administration to just be done
with it and kill everything south of the Mediterranean and east of the
Jordan.
comments.
He recently had the following to say about the Middle East situation:
"A brief overview of the situation is always valuable, so as a service
to all Americans who still don't get it, I now offer you the story of
the Middle East in just a few paragraphs, which is all you Really need.
Here we go:
The Palestinians want their own country. There's just one thing about
that: There are no Palestinians. It's a made up word. Israel was
called Palestine for two thousand years. Like "Wiccan," "Palestinian"
sounds ancient but is really a modern invention. Before the Israelis
won the land in the 1967 war, Gaza was owned by Egypt, the West Bank was
owned by Jordan, and there were no "Palestinians."
As soon as the Jews took over and started growing oranges as big as
basketballs, what do you know, say hello to the "Palestinians," weeping
for their deep bond with their lost "land" and "nation."
So for the sake of honesty, let's not use the word "Palestinian" any
more to describe these delightful folks, who dance for joy at our
defeats until someone points out they're being taped. Instead, let's
call them what they are: "Other Arabs Who Can't Accomplish Anything In
Life And Would Rather Wrap Themselves In The Seductive Melodrama Of
Eternal Struggle And Death."
I know that's a bit unwieldy to expect to see on CNN. How about this,
then: "Adjacent Jew-Haters." Okay, so the Adjacent Jew-Haters want
their own country. Oops, just one more thing: No, they don't. They
could've had their own country any time in the last thirty years,
especially two years ago at Camp David. But if you have your own
country, you have to have traffic lights and garbage trucks and Chambers
of Commerce, and, worse, you actually have to figure out some way to
make a living.
That's no fun. No, they want what all the other Jew-Haters in the region
want: Israel. They also want a big pile of dead Jews, of course
--that's where the real fun is -- but mostly they want Israel.
Why? For one thing, trying to destroy Israel - or "The Zionist Entity"
as their textbooks call it -- for the last fifty years has allowed the
rulers of Arab countries to divert the attention of their own people
away from the fact that they're the blue-ribbon most illiterate,
poorest, and tribally backward on God's Earth, and if you've ever been
around God's Earth, you know that's really saying something.
It makes me roll my eyes every time one of our pundits waxes poetic
about the great history and culture of the Muslim Mideast. Unless I'm
missing something, the Arabs haven't given anything to the world since
Algebra, and, by the way, thanks a hell of a lot for that one.
Chew this around and spit it out: Five hundred million Arabs; five
Million Jews. Think of all the Arab countries as a football field, and
Israel as a pack of matches sitting in the middle of it. And now these
same folks swear that if Israel gives them half of that pack of matches,
everyone will be pals..
Really? Wow, what neat news. Hey, but what about the string of wars to
obliterate the tiny country and the constant din of rabid blood oaths to
drive every Jew into the sea? Oh, that? We were just kidding.
My friend, Kevin Rooney, made a gorgeous point the other day: Just
reverse the numbers. Imagine five hundred million Jews and five million
Arabs. I was stunned at the simple brilliance of it. Can anyone
picture the Jews strapping belts of razor blades and dynamite to
themselves? Of course not.
Or marshaling every fiber and force at their disposal for generations to
drive a tiny Arab State into the sea? Nonsense. Or dancing for joy at
the murder of innocents? Impossible. Or spreading and believing
horrible lies about the Arabs baking their bread with the blood of
children?
Disgusting.
No, as you know, left to themselves in a world of peace, the worst Jews
would ever do to people is debate them to death.
Mr. Bush, God bless him, is walking a tightrope. I understand that with
vital operations in Iraq and others, it's in our interest, as Americans,
to try to stabilize our Arab allies as much as possible, and, after all,
that can't be much harder than stabilizing a roomful of super models
who've just had their drugs taken away
However, in any big-picture strategy, there's always a danger of losing
moral weight. We've already lost some. After September 11th our
president told us and the world he was going to root out all terrorists
and the countries that supported them. Beautiful. Then the Israelis,
after months and months of having the equivalent of an Oklahoma City
every week (and then every day) start to do the same thing we did, and
we tell them to show restraint.
If America were being attacked with an Oklahoma City every day, we would
all very shortly be screaming for the administration to just be done
with it and kill everything south of the Mediterranean and east of the
Jordan.
Additional Details
This diatribe is actually part of a column by humorist Larry Miller which appeared in the Daily Standard on 22 April 2002. It is a reaction piece to a 10 April 2002 FOX News Networkinterview conducted by Greta van Susteren with Ishmael Abu-Shanab, spokesman for the Hamas political wing in the Gaza strip, and American attorney Stanley Cohen, who has represented the head of Hamas
Answer :
Actually, the author of this brilliant piece is Larry (not Dennis) Miller, also a comedian.
