Margot...THNX 4 UR COMMENTS..SUM MORE WRITE UPS..?

The first rays of the Sun touched the deep blue sea,
The dewy leaves woke up from their slumber,
The cock shouted cock-a-doodle-doo,
It is a new a beginning,
The first rays of the Sun touched the battlefield,
The swords lay shining on the ground,
The soldiers’ armours glistened,
The earth was covered in blood,
The soil soaked up the blood,
It is a new beginning.
The first rays of the sun touched an urchin on the street,
He was smiling in his sleep,
His face shone with brilliance of the shining ray,
A drop of dew fell on his dry hands,
It is a new beginning.
The first rays of the sun touched a race horse,
He was munching away to glory,
His white body shined like a star,
He broke free from the tethered rope,
It is a new beginning.
The first rays of the sun touched a million hearts,
They all woke up from their slumber,
The blindfold of hatred was replaced by shining eyes of happiness,
The people of the world came together and joined hands in unity,
It is a new beginning.
The first rays of the sun touched Mother Earth,
Darkness faded,
Dawn took over,
The streetlights went out,
The meadow and the brook built their friendship again,
The huge mountains stood over all,
But didn’t block the rays of the Sun from shining bright in the sky,
The clouds parted,
The sun shined bright in the sky,
It is a new beginning…….





Answer :
The concept is lovely. The repetition works. You use lots of examples to build to your point. The optimism, while some may think Pollyanna-ish, is almost infectious for those of us who tend in that direction. What you need to work on is "showing" not "telling." You are using cliches instead of painting pictures with unique combinations of words to draw for the reader what you mean to say. Even the phrase "new beginning" is a cliche. I am not saying cliches can never be used but I really think you need to enrich this poem with something of your own besides the concept. I had to laugh when I saw the asterisks. Is YA gone facist? I think a good cock-a-doodle-doo is good for everyone!
P.S. I don't cruise YA much these days anymore at all. I post my poems and do my critiques at The Critical Poet website.(criticalpoet.com)
Margot
OMG: YA just asterisked me!!!!!! It's true! A rooster can't even crow in his own language anymore! What is sun-rise coming to?