What's your take on this still developing story I've written?

Kirsten took a longing glimpse out of the window one last time. Her parents, her friends, everything that was part of her had vanished. She would make sure of it. She had to. For now she has been stripped down of her identity. She is no longer an Osworth. She is now a Leighton, en elite. She clenched her fists and she felt a rush of pang in her heart. Avery Dianne Leighton. Avery Dianne Leighton. Kirsten thought to herself over and over again, letting the reality to seep into her mind. But she couldn't stop the mighty guilt that was building up inside of her. Kirsten was ashamed. She had murdered Avery in cold blood and made it look an accident. It was never part of the plan. But in the heat of the moment, her foolishness and fury had blurred her judgement. A gun shot between the eyebrows and blood came gushing out. Avery's pulse had stopped, her heart forever silenced. It was a treacherous way to die. It was a mistake. A huge unforgivable mistake that would haunt Kirsten for the rest of her life. No. No. No.What's done is done. Kirsten couldn't look back now because she had a plan that would at least give her the chance to make up for her past, to undo the damage. That plan is to hop onto a private jet to Princeton and live the life of luxury as Avery Dianne Lieghton. Her grip started to loosen as she imagined of her plan of brilliance.

Kirsten's phone ringed off the hook. She was startled by it. Her hands perspired with fear. Who could it be? No one knew of her whereabouts, let alone her contact number. She took a second to get a grip of herself and in an instant, flinged open the top cover of her phone. A message alert had popped up on the screen. It was a text message from an unknown number. Kirsten had already figured. Her pulse immediately raised and her blood thumped so quickly she suddenly found herself gasping for air. She was appalled by what was inscripted in the message. It was as though, unfathomable.

I know what you did to Avery Dianne Leighton. You are going to be sorry about it.

Kirsten's heart skipped a beat. Her head started to whirled in mad turns. She let the phone slip out her hands and hit the frigid floor. She was in state of shock and she stood there still for a long time, thinking. Thinking hard. Who knows? Who? Kirsten flooded her mind with questions. Was it Detective Hopkins? Had he figured out that it had been Kirsten on the phone blackmailing him all along? Was he playing her tricks on her now? Or was it Agnus Delaney? The powerful girl who ruled Winston High and knew about every discrete detail possible. Could it be her? Kirsten felt vulnerable and despaired. She could no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel. She cringed at the thought of having to go back to her miserable life behind bars. Slowly, she could feel her knees tremble. She collapsed onto the ground, burying her face in her hands. Tears prickled the back of her eyes and she squeezed her lids tight, willing the moisture not to betray her. It's not over. Kirsten found solace in that thought. So she stood up and wiped the tears off her porcelain face, feeling pathetic. She was in desperation. She knew right then and there that she needed a contingency plan. She needed to keep going as there are no detours up to this point. Her stomach spun, her mind reeled with the possibilities of an exit strategy out of this whole mess. She took a deep breath of the sea crisp air and let it calm her senses. Kirsten had always utilized her pragmatism to deal with things and now came a time where those skills would come in handy. Everything that she had worked for hinged on this moment and Kirsten was not about to give up.





Answer :
I think the amount of detail is great, the only thing I found was the names 'Avery' and 'Kirsten' were a tad repetitive, try changing a couple to pronouns. Only my opinion, people may disagree.





Answer :
It is a fantastic start. It grips you as soon as you read it, which always sells. You must grip the reader at the start. You go into a lot of detail, yet not so much detail that it bores you. The other thing that is fantastic is your grammar. Most authors write and write and don't stop to check spelling errors or bad punctuation, until they finish it, print it out (unless it's hand-written) and do another copy, making sure they correct their previous mistakes (But i would imagine this would take forever!). I think you have a great gift and i think you should keep going!!!